Thrice Bitten (Part 2) : André Øvredal – “The Last Voyage of the Demeter”

More of the same! “The Last Voyage of the Demeter” concerns itself with a minor (but effectively disturbing) episode from Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”: the Count’s maritime journey from remote Romania to London. F. W. Murnau had dealt with the incident, and so had Werner Herzog.

What’s worthy about this new horror adventure is that it expands a few scenes (about a dozen pages on my copy of the novel) into an epic in itself, with serious enthusiasm. (Screenwriter Bragi Schut Jr. has clearly dreamed about this expensive Dracula fan-fic for years.) Less worthy is that there are zero surprises here: Dracula makes it, the Demeter’s crew not so much. 

ABOVE: “The doctor said the pinkeye would clear in a week or two.”

It’s 1897, and the seaworthy captain of the Demeter ( Liam Cunningham, best known as “Game of Thrones”’ Davos Seaworth) keeps a log of what happens as, one by one, his misfit crew is sucked dry, thanks to what is OBVIOUSLY a vampire onboard. Our protagonist, Doctor Clemens (Corey Hawkins), believes that there is a rational, scientific explanation for all the horrors befalling the cursed ship. It would be pure superstition to suspect those creepy crates with the Dracul symbol!

ABOVE: “Nah, that can’t be it. Too obvious. Let’s find a crate marked with a cute puppy or something.”

Norwegian director André Øvredal was behind “Trollhunter” and “The Autopsy of Jane Doe,” two of the genuine horror gems of recent years, but whereas both those movies hinted at originality, “The Last Voyage” simply transposes Ridley Scott’s “Alien” into a storm-lashed C. S. Forester ship.

There’s a disconnect between the lofty, even admirable literary ambitions here- and the actual limitations of stilted, “fancy,” “British” dialogue that would not pass muster at the BBC. And this could be nitpicking, but I don’t need sea movies to create actual sea sickness during climactic fights. I know “choppy, can’t-see-what’s-happening” action is today’s de-rigueur, but that whole mentality needs to stop, if nothing else because we audiences are deprived of genuine excitement in exchange for boredom, nausea, and confusion. We can’t possibly get involved in a fight scene if the camera seems to be strapped to a drunk, POV-shifting CGI bat.

Nonetheless, this all might have worked if we ever had any reason to wonder who our “Alien” was, what it was up to, or how things would turn out. But since the opening title card dispels all uncertainty about any of those things, you simply have to sit there noticing plot holes as deep as the English Channel. Principally, that our deadly, unstoppable monster is powerless and very stoppable from dawn til dusk. This is the sunlit time that the Demetrians use to play cards, hypothesize about the previous night’s murders, and clip their grimy nails. “Let’s wait until it’s pitch black to re-start our vampire hunt, fellas!”

The journey lasts FOUR WEEKS! That’s 28 good Dracula-killing days!

• Action / Adventure
• Horror